Looks like what we have for first spork of the month is a slash fan. It goes to show you that it's not only the sues that make the decent saiyuki ficcers want to die. I was trying to find something different besides your regular mystic goddess/powerful and deadly demon/four girls who got sucked in saiyukiverse through a toaster sort of storyline. So, I dug up to the older pages of the Saiyuki section in the The Pit of Voles. I found this gem...

and now I want to burn my eyes with fire.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: i don't have a title for this yet ...Well, you already know it's headed for the dogs if the author *actually* uses this line for a title.

Name of The culprit Author: ilikeslashandblood Well, wait a while. I'll be able to cry buckets of it after I read this fic. I'll hand them over.

How the abomination of nature fic goes: HIATUS. School right now. But I promise. I'll finish this. SLASH gojyosanzo gojyohakkai. mild language. Sanzo loves Hakkai but Hakkai loves Gojyo who er.. loves both Sanzo and Hakkai. Which is a big problem. Chapter 11 is up. yeah, update, update! XD How can something so simple become so wrong...?

Your fic makes me want to say:


Reasons for Sporking

1. The storyline is a bit hackneyed but it's nothing you can't look past if it was written properly. The problem is, that it isn't. The way it was written doesn't prove any sort of effort behind it. There are no details, the narrative is sloppily done and boring. It's bad enough that your plot is overly used and is in the danger of making everyone go out of character, you then proceed with forgetting the whole 'show, don't tell' rule of writing. When you write, you include the characters emotions, thoughts and gestures (and the reasons behind the gestures). There are a lot more things to consider like describing the setting and the people involved. It's good that you want to get to the point of your story, but don't make it seem like you're not even trying.

2. Everyone's a cardboard cut out, much to the ficcer's futile attempts to try and make them act in character, except for poor Hakkai (we'll get to him later). Gojyo and Sanzo are acting like they're in Dawson's Creek instead of Gensoumaden Saiyuki. They can't seem to make up their minds if they want to screw each other stupid or not, which to me is just quite confusing as they're the two people who don't really like beating around the bush and holding themselves back to do what they want to do. They're acting like wangsty love-stricken teenagers, forgetting that they have bigger problems that don't involve trying to hook up with each other. Ficcer? Sanzo and Gojyo "hate" each other's guts (okay, maybe NOT hate. More like they would NEVER get along unless they REALLY had to). If they do end up in a relationship, it won't be MUCH of a relationship because they will obviously be using each other for sex (great sex, but sex nonetheless). They do not wangst and mope, cry and wail about the other party not wanting to become his twu wub. They will screw around and leave each other alone. Sanzo isn't a man known for wanting attachments (except with Goku, mind you) though he does in a way show concern for his other teammates. Gojyo doesn't like Sanzo's way of enforcing authority. They would handle this situation in a different way. That's just that.

3. What's with Hakkai acting like the puppeteer and ebil manipulator? I know he's a bit on the sarcastic side and he has quite the sharp sense of humor. But mind games like this would not be on his hobby list. He's a lot nicer than that and he's somewhat self-sacrificing. He would allow Gojyo to choose over him and Sanzo if that were the case and remain his loyal companion no matter what the choice would be. Sure, it'd hurt him a lot, but - I doubt he'd end up cursing them to hell and leaving the group because of something like that. Hakkai is also aware that they have a bigger problem besides deciding who ends up with who. It's called The Gyuumao Resurrection project, ficcer. Remember that? He wouldn't try to mess with their heads like this and become all ebil just to break them apart. He'd spare them the pain and aggravation. He's mature that way. Please stop bastardizing him just so you can try (operative word: try) and make your fic exciting.

4. If Gojyo even tried to call Sanzo cute? He'd be dead. In an instant. Sanzo would not end up wanting to have wild sex with him after that. He'd just... die. Gojyo does not call Sanzo 'Sanzo-san'. That is too polite. Gojyo does NOT act polite towards Sanzo... or anyone else for that matter.

5. I see bad three way sex which is soon to be written as in chapter ten, the author tries to disguise the badness of her fic with Hakkai tripping and kissing Sanzo. I know it was an attempt at humor, but it doesn't fit anywhere in the story - unless you were aiming for a threesome, which is probably how the fic will end. Nice, try. It's still really... bad.

6. I suspect that Goku has been tied up and locked in a wooden closet somewhere for recognizing the other three as clones of the REAL Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai. He really is hardly in this fic and shows up for two chapters to look for Sanzo and to look for food.

( Erm... Yeah, nice try, ficcer. Your story is still bad )

( This is not Fushigi Yuugi... This is Gensoumaden Saiyuki )

Guess who has returned from her. -stares at her Calendar- Oh sweet lord.

I'm terribly sorry for those who have waited a VERY long time for an update. I have only recently found time to update as of now and I see that I have a lot of catching up to do.

Okay, so I'm not as dedicated as weiss_badfics But seeing that the emergence of gawdawful fic has increased within my hiatus, I can't let it go any further.

For those who read and friended me, thank you. Allow me to friend you right back.

Plus there will be a change in the way I spork things as to make it more convenient for me and my freakishly busy schedule.

Well! The sporking must go on!

Let’s see. A Rainbow, Sparklypoo portals, Jeeps on their way home from a cosplay and now a lottery ticket. I swear, these suethors will do anything just to get their mitts on the canon characters. Next thing you know, there will be sues coming out of a toaster.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: We Have A Winner Sure, if stupidity had a prize – this would be a GOOD contestant.

Name of The culprit Author: Sekowari

How the abomination of nature fic goes: 4 teenage girls of modern times win the lottery, changing their lives forever. What they don't know is that their lotto ticket can transport them into the Saiyuki world! Warning: Mishap will follow xD And so will a two by four if you don’t STOP writing this fic.

Your fic makes me want to say:


( Meet The Sues: Kohaku, Yasuko, Ritsuki and Arizu )

Reasons for Sporking
1. Let’s see. Besides the bad formatting – the lack of detailed and the rushed, choppy scenes that aren’t even enough to pay attention. There is also, once again the annoying fangirl Japanese in certain parts of the fic. Look suethor, I know it’s an accomplishment when you learn a few new foreign words. But since you’re writing in English – I suggest you stick to it. Random foreign words inserted just to make your fic or yourself seem cool make my eyes burn.

2. And of course, we have the undying Author’s Notes in the middle of the freaking fic. As I said before, I know you have a lot of things to say. But keep your trap shut until the end of your fic. We are interested in what you wrote or what the story is about. We are NOT interested in what you have to say – because fanfics aren’t exactly editorials.

3. Now, let’s get on to business now that the technical stuff is done. Now, this merry band of sues got sucked in the Saiyukiverse through a – get this – lottery ticket. Their explanation so far? The numbers they picked were also birthday dates of the Sanzo-ikkou! It doesn’t explain just how they got the magical lotto ticket and why the others who bought one didn’t – it doesn’t explain the reason why lotto ticket was freaking magical to begin with. Ficcer? No. Just no. I know you want your Mary sues to be with the canon characters so she can go ruin everything, but – this explanation just makes me headdesk to kingdom come. Once again, suethor logic fails me.

4. I pretty much skimmed through most of the chapters because really? The Canon characters don’t really come in until the ninth chapter. Through chapters one to eight, we are stuck with the sues being all sparklypoo and speshul. Shopping, being anime fantards, Getting sucked into the Saiyukiverse with no valid explanation. It’s so boring that it makes me want to rip my arm off just so something would happen. For the last time, Suethor. We came into this section of the Pit to read about the Sanzo-ikkou, maybe about the Kougaiji-tachi and the Homura-tachi as well. Anyone from Saiyuki really, Just not your sues. Because we do not CARE for them. Do you GET it yet?

5. Two things. One, why is The Four Seasons Hotel in Saiyukiverse? No, ficcer. They have inns that’s where people stay when they traveled. There would be NO four seasons hotel found in Ancient China. Two. Why was Kohaku able to chat through MSN with Goku? In the middle of the forest. In a freaking cave? For one thing, I don’t think the Internet existed – but this is Saiyuki we’re talking about. They’ve got DNA testing and jeepneys. I’ll let you fly by with the laptop thing. But what I can’t let by is this - Son Goku would not be online chatting with ANYONE. I don’t recall the ikkou having a laptop along with them and I think the LAST thing Goku would be doing is creating an MSN account. I don’t really see him doing that sort of thing – I don’t see ANY of them doing it. You’ve Goku mixed up with another person from a group of four.

6. Once again the “original characters” are non-existent and practically boring. They try to be Canon sues but are so pathetic at it that they are probably the blandest Mary Sues I’ve ever come across. Especially Ritsuki who tries so hard to be like Hakkai but ends up disappearing in the background. Kohaku and Yasuko constantly argue about who’s ZOMGhawtter between Gojyo and Sanzo. Arizu is being an idiot in hopes that she can become a Goku canon sue. I just want to finish these girls off with a blowtorch so we can get this over with. Suethor? If you’re going to make “original characters” you might as well make sure that they are original. This also requires them to have their own distinct personality. Your characters are very forgettable – and when we do remember them, we get highly annoyed. Try again.

7. I think it would take more than three minutes for Sanzo to change his mind about the girls coming. It would maybe take two or three encounters with them before he decides that it’s pointless and there’s probably no choice but to travel with them. If you’d realized this and done something about it, maybe I would’ve given you cookie points. But I guess I can’t really blame you since you wasted half the fic on your sue spawns. This is just a bad idea, it really is. The members of the ikkou (aside Sanzo) they maybe a little more lenient than Sanzo is, but I highly doubt they’d travel with anyone they just met for a few minutes.

Wrong person, Wrong group. –sniggers-
And they’re supposed to care… WHY again?

Now, the fic I was currently aiming for was starting to burn my eyes just way too much that I had to take a break from it and look for something that won’t take the strength of a million Son Goku’s to spork. Now, I’d like to personally thank sevendials for pointing me to the direction of this freaking sue. This one is totally asking for it and hooray for me since it’s so far three chapters long. My eyes
won’t have to burn so much.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Wanted Brown Eyed Girl with Black Hair Can you guys see the neon WTF sign yet?

Name of The culprit Author: Ashkebulashke

How the abomination of nature fic goes: A girl with a dark past and an ability to make bad jokes finds Sanzoikkou in a restaurant by accident. What will happen to all of them? Find out by reading the rest! OcxHakkai And here, if you check her profile – her sue is a blatant self-insert. Really nice. /sarcasm

Your fic makes me want to say:


( Meet the Sue: Lu Ruriko )

Reasons For Sporking

1. Let’s start with the crap formatting. I don’t see why anyone would read this fic without getting an eyesore. We don’t know if she wants to use paragraphs or if she wants to use script. She obviously can’t write proper and coherent paragraphs. Let’s forget dialogue while we’re at it. She tries to be clever and fails. Miserably. Coming up with nicknames like ‘Senor green headband’? Yeah. Sure. Whatever, ficcer.

2. The detail of this fic is absolutely non-existent. It’s just about as poetic as a chatlog. There’s just absolutely no point to this fic and it’s basically an excuse to get a wangsty sue to join up with the Sanzo-ikkou. There is no story. I was supposed to question it’s existence in the Pit, but then I remembered. It’s the Pit. It would make sense that something like this would be found there.

3. Okay, everyone is OOC. For one thing; Hakkai does not call Gojyo and Goku “Those two idiots”. He never has and he never will because the man has the patience of an ant. Sanzo is the one who calls them names. He won’t call them doofuses either. Neither will he be caught thinking about how cute your so said sue is. He won’t complain about putting up with Goku and Gojyo nor would he bitch about Sanzo’s smoking. Sure – he taught them a lesson ONE time (See Gunlock). But, that’s about it. Gojyo and Goku hardly appear anywhere except if they’re making complete asses of themselves.

4. Another annoying thing of OOC-ness which deserves it’s own section. Sanzo would not really introduce himself to a stranger who he just shared an argument with. He’d most likely be annoyed and shoot her for aggrevating him. Or he’d completely ignore her. He will not start a fight over who occupied a table first. Look, they may not be the most mature people on earth, but they won’t stoop THAT low. Sanzo would NOT introduce or start conversation with a stranger who pissed him off even if Hakkai is there. No. He won’t be caught dead having a laugh and cracking a smile either, no matter how speshul your sue maybe.

5. You must think that your spawn is pretty speshul just because she’s wearing guy’s clothes. Uhm, not really. And no, she can’t be more powerful than Goku to be able to punch him hard enough to make his nose bleed. You forget that he’s Son Goku. The heretic kid who gives Kougaiji such a hard time, the kid who beat Homura Taishi in a fight. I doubt that a punch from your sparklypoo speshul sue, is enough to give him a scratch.

6. Okay, so we hear her wangst and try to kill herself – And conveniently Hakkai stops her. Then we have them exchanging the stories of their past. WTF?! No, ficcer. Hakkai maybe a bit warmer than Sanzo or Gojyo, but he’s very secretive. And he will NOT reveal his whole past to anyone in a sitting. He didn’t even reveal his past to the girl who looked like his sister in episode 23 (Houfa) and her past hit a little close to home in his case – still he said nothing. So, I don’t see why he would pour his heart out to her even if she was a bit the same.

7. There is no SUTRA GUARD. Do you want to know why, ficcer? It’s because Sanzo’s are supposed to guard the sutra’s themselves. In case you missed the whole point of the existence of a ‘Sanzo’ – they are there to protect and guard the five sutras of heaven and earth. So, we really don’t need your sue to do a job that Sanzo can do himself and twice as better at that. By the way, suethor? It’s Sutra. Not Sultra. I don’t know if you were paying attention or not. Based on this fic, I don’t really think you were.

8. So Sanzo killed her sisters and I think she wants revenge. But instead, she ends up traveling with them. WTF? Her motivation makes no sense. She makes no sense period. No, I don’t think the Sanzo-ikkou would be caught dead making a fuss over your sue, either. It’s just wrong. They have their own lives to live – and they REALLY are NOT looking for another member of the ikkou. The four of them are pretty much fucked up on their own, they’ve got problems the size of China itself. They don’t need another headache, a.k.a your speshul spawn.

Yes! Yes! Do the world a favor and kill yourself, sue! Make me happy at least
It’s Sutra, suethor. S.U.T.R.A.
Thanks again to sevendials you saved my eyes!

Do you know how it feels to wish that your eyes would just fall out of their sockets and that your brain would just suddenly set itself on fire? Reading this fic reminded me of what that feeling is ACTUALLY like. Not only is the story plain horrible and WTF material, the ficcer also manages to mangle two of my fandoms. I did not want to do this but seeming as the suethor did the unforgivable – I can’t let it pass now.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Reunited Uh-oh. Here’s trouble.

Name of The culprit Author: Anime-fanatic19

How the abomination of nature fic goes: The Sanzo party come across a strange girl... a celestial maiden! What does she have to do with Sanzo? And will she stay as just a friend a certain man with green eyes? I suck at summaries! Please give this fic a chance! -headslams- That’s TWO fics in a row mangling two of my fandoms. Will you. Just. Stop?!

Your fic makes me want to say:


( Meet the Sue: Tamaya Shiey )

Reasons For Sporking

1. Wherever shall I start with this pathetic excuse for a fic? Besides this fic having a good candidate for MOST ANNOYING MARY SUE OF THE YEAR, let’s start with the bad formatting. I have no idea if this suethor knows how to use paragraph breaks properly since all of the sentences and dialogues in the fic are all bunched up and clustered together. How many times do us non-fantwits have to repeat ourselves. Paragraph breaks are your friends, damn it. Use them before I clobber you with a stick.

2. Look, suethor. I know you’re in a rush to make Shiey Hakkai’s one twu wub – but please, for the sake of every non-fantwit’s sanity, do NOT skimp on the detail. It makes your story lamer than it already is. Everything from the descriptions to the dialogue is so mechanical and boring that it’s not funny. We also have pronoun mistakes (like Shiey being referred to as a ‘he’) once in a while. Not to mention the usual tense errors. But nothing a few editing can fix.

3. Now that we’ve gone past the basic stuff let’s get to the ugly part. Shiey is one of the biggest honking Mary Sues I’ve ever met. As I said, I’d make her a contestant of most annoying sue of the year. The sad part is, the suethor is actually proud of herself for this. Shiey is your basic speshul powerful and yet weak/fragile sue spawn. Why is she one of the biggest Mary Sue’s I’ve met? She is portrayed as this perfect person with no flaws but is long suffering and loved by everyone in the ikkou. But she turns out to be this bland, non-descript person that most readers would be unable to relate to and end up hating.

4. The Sanzo-ikkou, in the cannon series have handled and fought a dozen youkai armies who are trying to kill them. If you actually watched the damned series, you can see that the youkai armies Kougaiji send are frustrated because they can’t seem to kill or corner the Sanzo-ikkou. Why? Because they’re damned strong. For the last time, they do not need your sue spawn in order to win a fight. Your sue spawn is NOT and CANNOT be more powerful than any of the four main cannon characters. For one thing, Goku always gets to strike a youkai down, he may have a little trouble with the above average ones, but he always manages to HIT them. He will NOT be incapable of striking a youkai just so your speshul sue can come in and save the day.

5. Where is the Sanzo-ikkou that actually have their own lives? Why does the whole world revolve around protecting Shiey and trying to get her attention? I appreciate the fact that you TRIED to keep Sanzo in character. But it’s not going to save this fic in anyway. For one thing, if Shiey can’t protect herself – then she doesn’t deserve to travel with the Sanzo-ikkou because Sanzo HATES people who slow them down. Shiey is NOT an exception. No matter how speshul she is and claims to be.

6. While we’re on that, may I just point out that almost half of the fic, Shiey seems to be in the following situations: a. Injured b. Collapsed or passed out from sickness/power drainage/being pathetic and trying to grab attention or c. wallowing in her ZOMGwangst and crying. It really gets tiring after – oh, I don’t know - the tenth time?. It’s grating, too. The Sanzo-ikkou have more important things to do rather than babysit your sue. Like – what was that again? Right! Go to the west and actually get some work done. They do NOT have time to accommodate Shiey and pity her every chance that she makes an spectacle out of herself. Sanzo would sooner shoot her and leave her rotting corpse behind.

7. Gojyo and Goku have disappeared. Or that’s what it seems like to me. All they ever do in the fic is argue, get shot and threatened by Sanzo – and then totally disappear in the background. Unless of course – they start to interact with Shiey. That’s the only time we actually see them doing something. It seems that the whole story is about her. I can’t STAND it. For the hundredth, fucking time we are here to read about the cannon characters. Not your stupid spawn! Hakkai of course is seen making googly eyes at her and Sanzo…? Is wangsting and in denial. This is just peachy.

8. Now, let’s go on about Shiey’s wangsty past. Okay, so she’s really Kouryu’s younger sister. But when Kazama, their ebil stepfather stepped in – he smashed Kouryu’s head with a stone and made him drink medicine to make him forget. Then, when she ran away –she met a celestial maiden who just suddenly decided to give her sparklypoo speshul powerz for no apparent reason except that she’s speshul that way. Am I the only one who think that the explanation she gave is half-assed? Suethor? Kouryuu was sent off as a BABY. Komyo Sanzo found him in a basket floating around in a river. That’s the real story – and we like it that way. Quit ruining it!

9. And if you think she isn’t speshul enough – suddenly, we find out the following things: a. Gyoukumen Koushu’s side wants her because they need her power to enter the fourth stage of the project. If I’m not mistaken, since Homura was able to take the Seiten Kyoumon from them, they had to start from zero. So, they’re still in the FIRST stage by the end of Gensoumaden which, I’m assuming, is the suethor’s timeline since b. Homura needs her power too for the creation of the New world that he had in mind. Oh, did I forget to mention that he also tried to have his way with her once, if you know what I mean. Yes, but she blasted him and ran away from him. Wait, there’s one last thing. No, it’s not over yet. Because she is also c. Nataku’s sister from five-hundred years ago, when she used to go by the name Reija. I know what you’re thinking - Does the specialness ever end?. Well – the answer is a whooping no. You have to headdesk through every single chapter.

10. The suethor is also accused of ripping off certain fandoms such as a. Ayashi No Ceres. The celestial maiden, who goes by the name of Ciara is obviously a Ceres clone. She sings scarlet, the opening theme for Ayashi No Ceres (yes, she inserted the song lyrics. I’m not kidding). There are also some things taken from the Fushigi Yuugi fandom. For example, the supposed ‘’medicine’’ that Kazama made Kouryuu drink to forget, might be the same concoction that Amiboshi/Kaika offered to Miaka to help her forget all her painful memories during that one episode after she thought she everything was over. And what about chapter fourteen? When the evil Shiey clone came and tried to kill the ikkou while the real Shiey was stuck in the world of mirrors? She had to break a piece of the mirror and stab herself through the chest to stop the evil clone. Sure, that’s fine, suethor. If it wasn’t done by Yuu Watase in episode five of Fushigi Yuugi. Try again when you’re a little more creative than that. Better yet, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FANDOM BEFORE I STAB YOU WITH SPORKS.

11. Suethor, okay – I’ll let you by. Your sue spawn is a celestial maiden. It can happen, why not? Sure. I’ll humor you. But I am not about to humor the overused plot device of a curse being placed upon her so she can transform into a demon. No. The previous sporking I did had the same idea with her sue spawn. It’s not funny. Will you STOP ripping each other off? If your sue is a goddess, human, demon, celestial maiden, unicorn – that’s fine. Half-breeds are acceptable. But you cannot be three halves of something at the same time. Make up your mind and stick with it – then GET OUT OF MY FANDOM.

12. One last thing. They do not celebrate Christmas in the URASAI they did, but URASAI’s are for humor. They never celebrated it in the cannon series because they’re in fucking Ancient China. Has that wrapped itself around your head yet, idiot suethor?

Samples From Hell
Oh, look! She can sing, too! –yawns- I’m bored now
This is too much for my HEAD. That’s what it’s too much for.

I checked her profile. She writes for AnC, too and she’s got another speshul sue spawn there. Go figure.

Yes, okay – so once again, I’ve neglected this journal for too long. But as schoolwork and real life calls, I can’t really do anything about it. Except for one thing – mass sporking in one day. Which I can certainly accommodate to, seeing as the The Pit has so many bad fics that just need to be stabbed repeatedly with sporks. So! Let’s get this started, shall we?

Dear Saiyuki suethor,
Please stop naming your main heroine after you and pairing her up with a cannon character after claiming that she is in no way a Mary Sue. Mary-Sue and Self-inserts have a very thin and fine border dividing them. Unfortunately, you just crossed the line so much it’s not funny.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Sanzo’s Lovelife well, there goes the whole story. -

Name of The culprit Author: Yuki Mikage

How the abomination of nature fic goes: Sanzo? Engaged to a girl? Will he really fall in love with her? Let's find out! But there's a secret about his fiancee....what is it?Read and Review! Arigato!

Your fic makes me want to say:


( Meet the Sue: Mikage Yuki )

Reasons For Sporking
1. Okay, suethor. Fine. I’ll humor you. I will admit, it’s fine that you used the concept of Komyo taking in another child in the temple. You know it’s all well and good, because he’s pretty generous that way (though it still is not likely to happen). But this doesn’t give you the right to turn Kouryuu into a blushing, bumbling tween that gets all nervous just because your sue shows up. He’s not used to women being around him, that’s true. But even as young as he is – he’s distant and somewhat very cold to people he hasn’t known for a long time. Most of the time, he just ignores them. He’s incredibly mature for someone his age. He will be uncomfortable about sharing his room with a woman – but pretty soon, he’ll get used to it.

2. As expected, Kouryuu soon finds out that he is engaged to Yuki because she has to pass on her bloodline because she’s an Ayashi No Ceres rip-off a celestial goddess. For the record, Kouryuu would NOT care if Yuki liked him or not. For another thing, he would NOT allow himself to be engaged off to anyone just because Komyo asked. I doubt Komyo would do something like that anyway. What’s the matter, suethor? Tired of using the Goddess of Mercy as an excuse of shoving your sue in the story? No. No. NO. Let Komyo-sama rest in peace!

3. Kouryuu is a strong boy. He is fine being alone and believes in no one but himself. He can function without other people’s approval of him. He doesn’t need their affection. He doesn’t need them to make a fuss over him. He does not go around hoping to be loved by people. As long as he has himself, and as long as he knows that Komyo-sama believes in him. He is perfectly fine. Try again, suethor. Just admit it. You don’t HAVE a valid reason for this sue to get Sanzo to fall in wub with her. Admit it!

4. It looks like the other three have disappeared on us on this one. Or maybe because she forgot to state that this was pre-burial act (the Son Goku Chapter). I have no idea if she has any intention of including the other ikkou members in the story. I kind of wish she wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai subjected to OOC. It’s bad enough that she’s got Sanzo eating at the palm of her hand.

5. We’re subjected to Yuki’s ZOMGWangst – why? Because she’s not sure about her feelings towards Sanzo. And HALF of the fic is centered on that. If I had a nickel for everytime she cried, I’d be freaking rich. We’ve got Sanzo and Yuki wangsting, wondering why they agreed to be engaged to each other (when we all know the reason is plainly the suethor’s wish-fulfillment). It’s like Dawson’s Creek – but with youkai.

6. Why are all the assassins sent to get the sutra female and after Genjo Sanzo. –facepalm- Suethor, can you BE anymore STUPID? (don’t answer that) The assasins may comment on how pretty or good-looking the guy is but they do not forget their purpose which is to KILL him. They do NOT hold any kind of interest towards him (except if they’re Dougan, which is just plain freaky). I know, that is PROBABLY just another excuse for you to try and prove to us that your sue spawn is worthy of Sanzo. No. Just No.

7. Now, let’s go on about the crappy formatting of this fanfic. Suethor, first of all – make up your mind if you’re going to use script format or the usual story, descriptive style of writing. Do NOT use them at the same time because it really, really, really burns my eyes gets confusing for the readers. It’s hard enough to get through your fic without us pulling our insides out to distract us from the pain and monstrousity that is your crap fic. Don’t give us another headache, ficcer.

8. Can we also talk about the freaking fangirl Japanese that is inserted in every paragraph and dialogue that is written in here. It’s fine to insert Japanese words once in a while in your fic. But do not over do it because it makes our eyes bleed. It gets really, really annoying. Don’t forget to translate them, either. I understand you want to show the world that you learned random words from all your years of anime watching. But it isn’t pleasant to look at.

9. For the LAST and HUNDREDTH time. You do not have to put the words flashback if that’s what you’re aiming for. You want to use italicized, fine (though it’s still not advised). But there is always a way to write flashbacks without you having to state that it IS a flashback. You just have to try and stop rushing. Also, switching POV’s is fine. You can do that, too in the same chapter with enough work and a lot of time (It’s easier to do that through the third person than the first). But you don’t have to put ‘’_____ POV’’ either. Again, it’s not flattering.

10. Another thing, I think your sue might’ve been less annoying if you didn’t stick the being cursed with demon blood thing. Note that I said might. She’d still be speshul. No matter what you do. Try again.


Here’s The Whole Thing. I couldn’t make up my mind which samples to put up since all chapters were equally horrible. If you want to burn your eyes, check it out yourself:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2761001/1/

Yup. I decided to look through the Saiyuki fandom and see what other abominations they plan to expose us fic readers to.

This is what I got:

Saiyuki Meets Gundam by Lost Cursed Angel

This is a Saiyuki X Gundam Wing Crossover. Later there will be fluff and later still limeish stuff. Doesn't that sound fun? The Rating will raise to an M if need be. Later. Please Comment.

Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 988 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 2-23-06 - Published: 2-23-06

-- Okay. This is what we mean about crossovers that would never EVER, EVER work. I know that you are just using your imagination, ficcer. But please - try and THINK of a coherent and close to possible reason. The 'time portal' thing just doesn't work all too well anymore.
-- Gojyo calls Hakkai - HAKKAI. He does NOT have any nicknames for him such as 'Kai' as a LOT of ficcers write down. In the whole CANNON series, I've NEVER heard Gojyo refer to Hakkai with this nickname. I don't see why we ficcers should start the stupid trend now.

I DARE YOU! by Son Nuriko

The Sanzoikkou are dared into an unofficial game of I DARE YOU! by the Saiyuki Girls! Who will come out the victor in this whacky game? Read to find out! Please RnR and if you've got any suggestions for dares, please don't hesitate to tell me!

Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7316 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 2-22-06 - Published: 2-22-06

-- I was supposed to ignore this until I saw the words 'Saiyuki Girls' on it. Ficcer, darling. There ARE no Saiyuki Girls, okay? I only remember the 'Sanzo-ikkou', 'Kougaiji-tachi' and the 'Homura-tachi' and the duo that composed of Gato and Hazel. But I do NOT remember any other groups.
-- Gakkai...? Seriously now. >_> Did you actually just name her Gakkai? Is it just me or can you GET any more obvious?

The Promise by crazedwriteranonymous

Sanzo is forced by Kanzeon Bosatsu to marry a strange girl who's not a human, a demon, or a goddess and has a mysterious past to boot. What is she? Read and find out. SanzoxOC

Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 46281 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 2-18-06 - Published: 12-21-05

-- Please... stop it with the Sanzo being forced to marry sues bit. >_> Please. It really, really doesn't work anymore. I don't think he'd agree to it no matter what Kanzeon says. Besides, I don't think she'd let him do it either. Seriously.
-- I know what she is. She's a sue. -smiles placidly-

Fantasy is Reality, but Reality Sucks by Sakura Yasha2288

we all know how to spot a halfbreed, right. look for the red hair. but, what about four special halfbreeds girls, without red hair. this is their story. hakkaixOC gojyoxOC gokuxOC sanzoxOC

Fiction Rated: T - English - Action/Adventure/General - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12149 - Reviews: 24 - Updated: 2-6-06 - Published: 5-8-05

-- I suppose red hair and eyes aren't speshul enough for you, ficcer? -headdesks self to coma-
-- So, everyone gets a girl. Huzzah.

Sanzo Wannabe by ShikamaruRocks

Four teenage girls find themselves in Shangri La. After joining up with the Sanzo party, they soon find they aren’t the only new comers. And the others aren’t very friendly. Much battling and laughter ensues.

Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Action/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 40567 - Reviews: 65 - Updated: 2-3-06 - Published: 12-13-05

-- I know - I should review this fic. Can't - find - strength to... must... stop eyes from... bleeding!

The Priest And The Geisha by pointless people of Pluto reviews

to get to a village sanzo and gang have to climb a mountain in the dead of winter. they are found in the snow by four girls who live in the geisha house at the top of the mountain. they are now staying with the girls for the winter! plz r and r!

Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1872 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 1-20-06 - Published: 1-20-06

-- Let me put it this way. First: Yes, there are brothel houses in China - even at the Sanzo-ikkou's time. I can see how that can work but the girls there are NOT called Geishas probably because Geishas are found in Japan? it could be just me.
-- Must I really say anything else? >_>

High School Boys by iamzie

NOT JUST high school boys!excuse the lousy title, ok? Koryu, Gono, Gojyo, and Goku.. in highschool.. anyways just read it and tell me what u think! chap9 up!:D

Fiction Rated: T - English - General/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 11202 - Reviews: 18 - Updated: 1-18-06 - Published: 8-2-04

-- I know it's a fun thing to explore. But please. STOP.

I like these portions that I slap onto this journal! I shall rant from now on then!

This was written, still in fanficrants a few days ago.

I'm sorry, who are you again?

Dear Somebody's sister suethor,

Son Goku does not have a sister. He does NOT have any blood relatives because he was born from a rock. He cannot have a sister. Do you get it yet? Good. Now, shut up and get the hell out of my fandom before I beat you with the Nyoi Bo.

No love,
The Goddess of Mercy

I borrowed fandoms to rant about! :D

Dear Weiss Kreuz fandom,

I don't know if this has been ranted about before, forgive me if it has. But I would just like to clear it ONE MORE TIME since none of you bad ficcers seem to get the point.

Omi may look like uke of the year, But let's not forget the part about him being an assassin. I know, I know - he looks absolutely sweet, innocent and hurtable (that's not even a word, but hell, I'm using it anyway) But he can definitely kick the ass of any moron who tries to rape him.

Now, since that's been said - please stop making him act like a wuss. He is an assassin, make him ACT the part? If you fail to comply, I will have to hunt you down and shoot you with the crossbow myself.

No love,
Saki-chan

Dear Fushigi Yuugi fandom,

-insert headdesking here-

I know, I know. I haven't seen the series in such a long time. But I do know one thing, Miaka Yuuki and Yui Hongou were the two girls transported into the Shi Jin Tensho. Miaka became Suzaku No Miko and Yui became Seiryuu No Miko.

I don't remember your speshul sue spawns being the chosen priestesses. I know, you just want to explore the possibilities. But please... stop. Stop right now.

No Love,
Saki-chan

These were posted in fanficrants But I felt like putting them here.

Sacred Scriptures 101

Dear Saiyuki Fandom,

A few things that I have gathered from staying in the pit and looking around in hopes of finding some good written works. Only to find my search, more often in not, in vain.

Please do remember that we are in Ancient China. So, please refrain from giving your Mary Sues western and English names just to make them more sparklypoo than the usual female they run into. Nothing is wrong with giving your character a Chinese or even a Japanese name. At least they resemble something Asian.

What's that you say? Your stinking sue spawn character is from another world? She got transported into Saiyuki dimension through a rainbow/portal/bored Kanzeon Bosatsu/unoriginal prophecy? Yeah, back of the line and pick a number. There are about a bazillion sue spawns characters just like you. It is getting really old and fast. Can you think of another way of putting your modern OC in? Better yet, just don't. At all.

And another thing? If you think that you can make your sue more speshul by giving her another sutra, you're dead wrong. There are ONLY five sutras. The Maten Kyoumon, The Seiten Kyoumon, The Muten Kyoumon, The Uten Kyoumon and The Kouten Kyoumon. Check ''Even A Worm'' if you don't believe me. But since in the cannon, the sutras have been named? STOP making up your OWN sutras. You want to do that? Make your own goddamned series.

The Sutras of Heaven and Earth in the cannon are FINE as they are. And I will probably hunt you down and beat you if you propose to make a sixth speshul sutra for her. Seriously.

No Love,
The Goddess Of Mercy

Please insert notes here

Dear badficcer who can't shut up,

Please save your notes and comments till the end of the fic. Author's Notes right in the middle of the story in itself can get very, very, very annoying. Not to mention, it's bad for the format.

We do not read fanfiction for your side comments. We read it for the story and the cannon characters. If you have something to say, finish the damned fic first. After the words TO BE CONTINUED or THE END, then you can blab all you want. And we won't stop you.

No love,
The Goddess of Mercy

There are other ways to pull off fluff, sweetheart. And it’s definitely not this. I understand that you want 39 58, I suppose as far as preferences go, it’ll be alright to do that. But as soon as the Sanzo-ikkou start acting like people from Sweet Valley High, It’s definitely time to start re-thinking your fic.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Trip To The Beach

Name of The culprit Author: Sanzoaddict

How the abomination of nature fic goes: The Saiyuki gang decide to stop at the beach. Of course the beach is a very familar place for love. HakkaixGoku SanzoxGoku HakkaixGojyo

Your fic makes me want to say:


Reasons For Sporking:
1. Romance fics are good. At least they can be good. Pairing the four members of the ikkou up is workable as they are naturally slashable. But you can at least make sure that it isn’t too boring. Your of the Sanzo-ikkou going to the beach and ‘discovering love’ or whatever it is that they do, is simple. But it can be pulled off well with good characterization and good writing style. Unfortunately, you were so focused on wanting to pair everyone up that everything to be considered went down along with it.

2. Hon, you might want to check your punctuation and sentence construction. For one thing, the Sanzo would not say it like ‘No we must continue west.’ – If you watched the series enough, you know that he’d state it in another way. The comma and the period are your friends, ficcer. The lack of them can be very, very annoying. By the way, while we’re on that, you might want to check your spelling, too. You wrap your arms around someone’s ‘waist’ and not someone’s ‘waste’. Okay? Good. ^_^

3. Now, the technical stuff it’s over – let’s head on to the actual fic itself. The characters are trying to be recognizable but are failing very miserably. For one thing, They are the Sanzo-ikkou. Not wangsting, pathetic, love-struck teens. Stop making them blush every time they spot their ‘twu wub’ from a distance. I think Goku and Hakkai are mostly the ones out of character here. Gojyo is hardly around except for the usual bickering between the two of them. Goku is turned into a stu as he just makes everyone fall in love with him. –headdesk, sigh-

4. “Hakkai I am so sorry, I do not feel the same, I am in love with…with Sanzo.” Or “Who Sanzo, who is it that your heart belongs to?” are not lines that would come from the Son Goku that I know. If he ever does end up falling in love with his beloved caretaker, I doubt he’d handle things like he does in this fic. He is NOT a crybaby, okay?

5. Hakkai who was madly in love with Goku earlier quickly recovers as he and Gojyo and an item a few minutes into the fic. WTF? – Where did THAT come from? Okay, ficcer. I know that you favor 39 because zOMGtheyresorightforeachother! But please, don’t forget that there are TWO other characters in this story. You could’ve at least explained or shown us just HOW Gojyo managed to help Hakkai ‘pick up the pieces’. Otherwise, all your readers (or at least the decent ones) will only be left with a ‘WTF?!’ thought lingering in their heads.

6. Even if Sanzo IS just thinking to himself – You can at least make sure even his THOUGHTS are in character. He’s not a man of many words, we rely on his thoughts. He doesn’t admit things easily, not even to himself. Keep that in mind, hon. By the way? Sanzo is not a dimwit. He knows when something is going on behind the scenes and he usually picks up on what it is even before the others do. He doesn’t really go on getting himself affected because he is indifferent to just about ANYTHING. He doesn’t usually ask – he waits for people to spit it out. Annoying, yes. But in character, at least.

( …What volume of sweet valley high did I get myself into? )
( …Stop it with the blushing! –headdesks- )

You know how the story goes. Tougenkyou used to be a place where Demons and Humans lived in harmony – but it all changed as the demons started to cause havoc and attack the humans. This was part of the evil plan known as the GyuuMao Resurrection project. So, Heaven sends Genjo Sanzo – along with his companions, Son Goku, Sha Gojyo and Cho Hakkai to stop the ones behind the said project. As far as I’m concerned, the story never mentioned about them having time to pick up SUES to travel with them. –headslams-

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Always There TELL me about it. –fumes-

Name of The culprit Author: Seraphim

How the abomination of nature fic goes: Nari and gojyo love each other right? But what happens when Nari's actions leave Gojyo for the worst? GojyoxOC Rated for language. Please read and review


Your fic makes me want to say:


( Meet the Sues: Nari, Kaiya and Yoko )

Reasons for Sporking

1. It starts out when the ikkou meet up with a ton of youkai accompanied by author’s notes in the middle of the fic proper. Badficcer? Do you think you can reserve your comments after you’ve finished with the whole fic? We read fanfiction for a story (and sometimes, we find works like yours which is anything but good) not for your stupid side comments which you think are oh-so-funny. It just makes your fic more of an eyesore than it already is.

2. Ever heard of show don’t tell? Yeah. Well, you certainly need to keep it in mind because your detailing sucks. It sucks so bad that it made the fight scenes (which composed a good majority of your so called fanfiction) too boring to even be considered fight scenes. The way it was written, it was like nothing happened. Except that sues showed out of nowhere.

3. Yeah, I’d now like to get to that point. These sues just come out of nowhere and are suddenly traveling with the ikkou. I guess it was just because you were too unimaginative and lazy to actually establish a developing story between the cannon characters and your original sparklypoo ones. So, all of the sudden – they’re just traveling with the ikkou and Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai are in love with your spawns. That’s not nice. At All. At least some suethors put up a pathetic attempt to make a story. You just rushed in there. At least you spared Goku. Maybe if he can sometime, he’d take his diadem off and beat the crap out of your sparklypoo sues. So we can actually keep the cannon.

4. Gojyo has been stabbed by Nari because she was too stupid. Yes, she was supposed to hit the demon but ended up stabbing Gojyo instead. Then, she proceeds to screaming her head off, crying and sobbing – claiming that it’s her fault while Gojyo lies bleeding to death, probably. Here’s an idea, sue spawn. How about you TRY and stop the bleeding? Since you’re so convinced that it’s your fault? Why not fix it? –facepalms-

5. Even if Gojyo was stabbed – it would take more than that to keep him down actually. He’s been through worse, remember? He’s been stabbed, his ribs have been broken, he’s been beat up to kingdom come by Seiten Taisen and he still manages to keep himself conscious. He’s tougher than that. Did you ACTUALLY pay attention to the series?

6. And poof! Insta-drama! After Hakkai has closed up the wound, for no apparent reason – Gojyo develops a fever and starts to have spasms. Now this would be normal if the blade was poisoned. Which it was not (I actually checked the fic a couple of times thinking that maybe it was. I found nothing). So, I have no idea how the fever and the spasms suddenly came into the picture. I suppose it’s to make the sue spawn worry even more. Or maybe he just suddenly developed hives from hanging around with the sues.

7. Sanzo and Kaiya have a moment. I’m sick to my stomach. Enough said.

8. Apparently, the suethor thinks that calling Sanzo ‘Miss Bitch with A Dick’ is a great accomplishment. It may be true, but – it’s nothing to applaud about. She seemed so proud of herself it was almost too sad.

9. The fic ends with a whole dialogue between Gojyo and Nari professing their twu wub for each other. It’s so OOC, It makes the fic even more boring than it was from the start. You know what the real tragic part is? This ficcer wrote similar one-shots concerning her other sparklypoo spawns and the Sanzo-ikkou. And we still don’t know where they came from.

( …Where the HELL did you come from?! )
( …And while you do that, I’m going to headdesk myself into a coma. )

I don’t know what possessed this ficcer to write anything at all if the fic was going to be this horrible and sloppy. This is probably the shortest sporking I would ever have to do as the horror of it is in the written text itself. You be the judge.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Kougaiji’s Pain (>_>)

Name of The culprit Author: LilKougajilova (>_<)

How the abomination of nature fic goes: What would happen to Kougaiji if everyone just stopped talking to him? What if there wasn’t someone to help him? (Will it make a difference? People are helping him now and he STILL can’t get anything right. –whistles casually-)

Your fic makes me want to say:


Reasons for Sporking

1. I may not like Kougaiji and his posse, but this fic makes me feel sorry for them. This fic was terribly written, the grammar is left to be desired for as the sentence construction isn’t exactly at it’s best. It’s lack of detail makes it even worse than it already is and that in itself is pretty bad.

2. You know, if she loves Kougaiji and his subordinates so much – she could at least afford to get their names right. Lirin has become Lirien, Yaone has been newly baptized as Yayone and Doukugakuji’s name would’ve been right if she hadn’t added an n at the end. I’m just glad she got Kougaiji’s name right, it’s the least she could do.

3. So, here’s how everyone has gone OOC. Let’s start of with Kougaiji who has been turned into an angsting, clingy teenager who is pained because ‘nobody understands and cares for him anymore.’ Look, ficcer. I know you’ve got some sort of message planned to try and reach out to us. It’s not working, not this way, at least. Kougaiji may not be the best made character in Saiyuki, but he is certainly stronger than what you portray him to be. He will not kill himself, no matter what happens because he knows that he has a reason to move on. his mother for one thing. Do you think he’s going to waste all the work and time that he’s spent just because he’s going through teenage wangst? No. He knows that he has a job to do. He’s a determined guy. He’s not this weak.

4. Yaone who is usually growing on Kougaiji’s ass very loyal and dedicated to her master, Kougaiji – would never yell or snap at him as she obviously respects GREATLY (greatly is still an understatement). She would never do anything to hurt or disobey Kougaiji, who she promised to be beside, always until she dies. Did you not GET that about a couple of bazillion times? I hardly think she has time to get a boyfriend either, she wouldn’t even TRY to. She is obviously in love with Kougaiji – she has eyes for no one else. Are you DENSE? Or do I have to BEAT you with a Nyoi Bo?

5. Doukugakuji wouldn’t abandon his mission either to help Kou find the sutras just because he got himself a girlfriend. I think getting a girlfriend really isn’t part of his priorities right now. Kougaiji’s subordinates promised him that they would help him and be with him through ANYTHING. How much more do you need for you to realize that this is so OOC it’s not funny.

Since it’s so short – it’s like it never even HAPPENED. See it for yourself.

We know you mean well, ficcer. We don’t doubt that you have talent. You seem to have a grasp on how to use the language, and you play around with it – it just doesn’t work too well. The only thing we can tell you is to get better soon – and maybe do a little research. Remember the fandom you’re writing for? –facepalm-

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Hakkai’s Fever (and cue dramatic violin music here. Really, I mean it)

Name of The culprit Author: Pinkwhirlwind

How the abomination of nature fic goes: Sanzo meets an old friend..pairing listed inside (insert psycho theme here)

Your fic makes me want to say:


Reasons For Sporking:

1. It’s one of those fics where you can just see it now ‘Hakkai gets poisoned and he and Sanzo realize that they are truly in wub!’ It’s fine, really. There’s a premise there that you can work with. But you can at least make sure that the fic doesn’t get boring. Unfortunately, that was missed a bit here. Because I’m bored within the few minutes and paragraphs of the thing.

2. Getting detailed and playing with words isn’t a bad thing. If you can pull it off properly, then why would it be bad? Actually, it’s a good way to exercise your writing. But the ficcer forgot what fandom she was writing for. This is Gensoumaden Saiyuki. This isn’t a cheesy soap opera.

3. Getting dramatic is understood in a story. But becoming OOC is totally different. Sanzo would not say anything like: "No. I am not going to forgive you. Hold on! I need you." or even "When I fought off the scorpion venom, you were there talking to me. Everytime I've been hurt or lost, you've been there. I used to see Shuei in my dreams, dreams that monks don't have. But that was just a child's daydream. Now I see you, and I'm a monk. I'll never have that, but the sound of your voice, the smiles that touch your eyes, these things make me live. If you die, this spark of life will go out of me Okay, you wanted to romanticize the way they were; this still isn’t the right way to do it. Sanzo has a different way of expressing his affection or his love towards a person whom he sees fit enough to be considered his lover. Hakkai wouldn’t say: "I don't want to be alone," either. He’s used to being alone. And even if he did feel that way, he’d say it differently.

4. On another note, Hakkai wouldn’t make a big deal out of Sanzo breaking his vow of celibacy. After all, Monks aren’t supposed to smoke, which Sanzo does. Monks are not supposed to drink, which Sanzo does. Monks are not supposed to eat meat, which Sanzo does – Hell, he’s not even supposed to have hair. And he still does. So, Hakkai – being used to Sanzo ‘not being a regular monk’ he wouldn’t make a big deal out of Sanzo breaking another rule of being a monk.

5. Another thing, I hardly think Hakkai would say something like: "Sanzo, I can't desire you! I don't want to harm you!" That’s…just…pushing it. –insert mad, twitching here-

6. It just goes on and on really. The sap and OOC-ness meld in together and it becomes too unbearable and boring. It’s not totally horrible as I have seen worse. But it’s not the best way to go either. The author clearly has potential as nothing seems to be wrong with her grammar. Too bad this fic is a bit of a waste of her potential.

( And now for the next installment of ‘’As The World Turns…’’ )
( All we need now is for Sanzo’s long-lost mother/father/sister/brother to walk in and stop them. )

You know what’s worse than a ficcer who should be shot for a fic that she wrote? A ficcer who doesn’t think she should be shot for a fic she wrote. The wise-crack remarks about flamers and bad reviews should only be made when your story doesn’t blatantly suck. Unfortunately for you, ficcer. It does. It does like hell.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: An Old Dance

Name of The culprit Author: Tellkalia

How the abomination of nature fic goes: Sanzo meets an old friend..pairing listed inside (insert psycho theme here)

Your fic makes me want to say:


( Meet the Stu: Nightfall )


Reasons For Sporking:
1. Oh, where do I begin? There’s just so much to spork. But let’s start talking about how this fic has no plot at all. There’s nothing worse than a sue/stu fic than a sue/stu fic with no actual plot and was created for the sake of getting a cannon character to make out with an original character. Suddenly, the ikkou walk in ‘a building’ (she could’ve used an INN like what they usually go to, but she needed an uber speshul place to store he uber speshul character) and he’s there. Sanzo unleashes him and from then on, we are subjected into sheer torture. There’s a FIRE in my freaking brain!

2. Apparently, Sanzo suddenly remembers his past life as Konzen Douji. What the fuck?! none among the four of them remember who they were during their past lives in heaven five hundred years ago. Was the stupid suethor even watching the goddamned series at all?

3. Sanzo referred to the rest of the ikkou as his friends. This is the kick-off into Sanzo becoming completely OOC. He does not call them his ‘friends’ in what PART of the series has he ever DONE that? I also find it weird that the rest of the ikkou just suddenly take him into the group without question.

4. Let’s now go on about how Sanzo and Nightfall constantly make out. –headdesks- In front of people. Hell, half of the fic is about them making out and necking. Sanzo is NOT the type to let someone kiss him out in the open. Hell, he’s not even the type to let anyone KISS him that easily. I know the back story says that they knew each other from way before? It still won’t change the fact that Sanzo is a very private person and that he’s not comfortable with expressing affection in front of people. Will you suethors/stuethors ever just get a clue? –headslams-

5. But let’s go on with the basic and technical stuff before we go on more about how this ficcer ruined the fandom once again. Apparently, she’s never heard of a Beta reader. "I'ad wad we've learned a new step in our endless dance Master." , "Not even if I could." he repliedply.ply. here’s hoping that it’s just because something’s wrong with her keyboard. But even at that, it’s not excuse. If you’re going to work ‘hard’ on a fic, might as well work hard enough and avoid typos.

6. She also got things mixed up with character names. She thinks that Konzen is Konzen Douji’s last name. Actually, no it isn’t. Konzen is his name. And it is Kanzeon Bosatsu and not Konzen Bosatsu there is a difference, ficcer. Do some research, will you?

7. The ficcer also displays a pathetic attempt to assure us that she hasn’t forgotten the other characters exist. So, she suddenly slips in pairings that she might’ve pulled out of her ass for no apparent reason as an attempt to have an actual story, maybe. The Kougaiji-tachi suddenly show up in a hot spring. Uh, ficcer. You do know that Kougaiji and his subordinates don’t and do NOT have the time to do that, right? They’re way back at Tenjiku and they have jobs to attend to. Kougaiji will NOT waste his time in a hot spring. Get that through your head.

8. Continuation to that, suddenly Kougaiji and Goku have sex. Because they agreed to sleep in ONE room. Doukugakuji actually wouldn’t mind sharing a room with the rest of his teammates as he is not prissy. But of course, since we need an excuse to get Kou and Goku in one room where they can screw each other stupid, the ficcer puts that fact aside. Nice one.

9. Probably the one thing that I am most pissed about is the fact that the ficcer wasn’t original enough to think of her own background for Nightfall. So, he was such a powerful demon he was taken up to heaven so that the Goddess of Mercy could decide what to do with him. Apparently he’s a bigger threat than Gyuumao is. He can make pillows and blankets appear out of nowhere (next thing you know, the stuethor is going to tell us that Nightfall can cure AIDS and cancer). So, the Goddess of Mercy puts him under Konzen Douji’s care. It would’ve been nice and all if that weren’t Gaiden Goku’s background story! Goku was the ONLY one that Kanzeon Bosatsu put under her nephew’s care. Apparently, Gaiden Goku doesn’t seem to exist. He has been erased from the Gaiden stories so that Nightfall can have unexplained and yet passionate sex with Konzen. Yeah. Sure.

10. This fic is a FOUR parter –headslams- Can it GET any worse? Four parts of people making out and necking. The plot goes nowhere but there.

( I’m sorry WHO are you again?! )
( …Where the HELL is Goku?! )

Upon recommendation of weiss_badfics I have made my way to The Bastion of Truly Hideous Porn. It really does prove impressive results that make me want to headdesk my way into a coma. I was amazed as not to find as much Mary Sues as I expected there would be a bazillion of them wanting to get into their ideal male’s pants. I did however find some gawdawful slash fics.

So, first time as seen in saiyuki_badfics! Bad Slash! With Lemon!

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: My First Gojyo-Sanzo Lemon (you will see how obvious it really is as you read this piece of crap)

Name of The culprit Author: Hana No Tenshi

How the abomination of nature fic goes: What the title says!! I wrote it for madwriter. LEAVE LOTS OF REVIEWS!! Slash basically. A PWP. A very STUPID one at that.

Your fic makes me want to say:


Reasons For Sporking:

1. Besides the very lazy narrative and usage of adjectives to cheat us readers. There is a great deal of OOC-ness in this fanfic. Though the ficcer did try very hard to convince us that she at one point or another did bother to watch a series before going ‘OMG BISHIEZ! TIME TO MAKE THEM HAVE HOTT BUTTSECKS!’ – it obviously didn’t work.

2. This fic made things happen – including the lemon within a three hundred words or less – roughly estimating. It’s obvious that the authoress just wanted the ‘hott buttsecks’ to happen. Ficcer, when you work on a lemon? It’s got to be more than just telling. Remember that old saying Show Don’t Tell? - yeah. This would be a GREAT time to use it. –headslams-

3. Spell check is lost on the ficcer as we see random misspelled words like yuo or yuor. She also misspelled Sanzo’s name making him Genjo Sazno. Beta-readers and spell check are your friends, ficcer. Go USE them and spare us the stupidity that is your fanfic!

4. Gojyo forgot that Sanzo was a monk. –starts to twitch uncontrollably- Ficcer. Gojyo has been traveling and has known Sanzo for – uh – THREE YEARS and counting. If you bothered to READ the manga or WATCH the series at ALL you will find that Gojyo and Hakkai VISIT Sanzo and Goku IN the temple. Now, answer me this, idiot ficcer. With all those factors considered How the HELL cn Gojyo forget that Sanzo is a monk?! -wants to take the ficcer’s head and MASH it against the wall-

5. The ficcer tries to establish a cheesy connection between Gojyo and Sanzo with these words: Gojyo knew that Sanzo was also sensitive, delicate, really attached tot hem, and... lonely. He didn’t have anyone. -massages temple- Doesn’t ANYONE remember the fact that SANZO IS NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP OF ANY SORTS? He’s too annoyed for that sort of thing and he doesn’t really make fantastic boyfriend material. He does not MIND that he is alone. In fact, he prefers it that way. Can’t any of you GET that?

6. As if there wasn’t enough monstrosity – we actually get to the non-existent lemon scene. Gojyo and Sanzo are being so cute that they’ve become OOC. Then they go to a wood cutter’s cabin and we meet up with a goddamned author’s note in the middle of the fic - they then get to the supposed gritty part of it all. There’s only one problem though you can’t tell where the penetration begins. It kind of makes you wonder if the ficcer knows how the whole m/m Lemon works. Probably not.

7. Their tongue’s couldn’t separate. -headdesks- That had to be in a number of it’s own.

8. The fic isn’t very long and it gets really irritating after a while with it’s misspelled words, atrocious grammar and useless dialogue. If I may quote bad_fics87 myself. THERE’S A FIRE IN MY BRAIN!


( Terror in a few hundred words or less. )

( I thought you guys were smarter than this… )

One bad fic that has people going so terribly OOC is forgivable. Because we’re sure that there’s some part of you that just wanted to have fun and get it right. Not everyone can get the hang of writing a fanfic – it takes time because it is a gradual process. But having more than two horrendous fics and thinking that you’re doing just fine is just wrong. Someone’s going to have to tell you otherwise. You need to know if you’re just bad at it. You need your bubble burst so you can work on it and come back when you’re actually presenting something worthwhile that’s not a waste of time and life?

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Nightmares

Name of The culprit Author: Sanzo’s Guardian Angel

How the abomination of nature fic goes: Oneshot:In a cold winters night something appears that could give you fright...As you gently open up the door need I say more? Becareful this could give you chills. Please Review. As the Ikkou enter a mansion werid things start to happen. For teenagers

Your fic makes me want to say:


The Garbage Dispenser: Again, from the same author of the fic I sporked before this. It looks like she has an unconscious love for wanting to be sporked. The same problems she had in the previous fic I presented seem to be residing in this one, too. OOC cannon, grammatical and spelling errors, choppy and rushed detail. The plotline could’ve been amusing if pulled off well. But pulling off a Saiyuki fic isn’t something this ficcer is capable of.

( Introducing the Original Characters shoved in it to make something happen! : Kinia and Saeio )

Reasons For Sporking:

1. The author seems to have a fondness for turning the Sanzo-ikkou into a bunch of whining and screaming nanny goats. In the past episodes of Gensoumaden, Reload and Reload Gunlock – these for men have had to come across powerful demons, wrathful gods and even humans who are of immense capability to the crafts. Not to mention, they’ve gone through some serious injuries and life threatening, near death situations. Those who watch the series and pay close attention to the story and it’s characters know this. So, I do not see the reason why Goku would faint, scream and cling onto Hakkai upon seeing something that terrifying (and even if he does get scared, he gets over it easily). Neither do I see the reason why he would start crying because his leg suffered from frostbite or cramping from the snow. For crying out loud, he BROKE his leg once and he still got to attack Chin Yi Sou. What the hell is wrong with you, ficcer? Why are you turning them into nanny goats?

2. The authoress has poor writing style, that much is obvious. You do not write like this in a fic: ’’Brrrrrrrrrrr It’s fucking freezzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiinnnnngggggg!” I do not CARE if you were trying to be funny. I do not CARE if you DO think it is funny. If I were your EDITOR I would BEAT YOU SENSELESS. In fact, any decent editor would beat you senseless if they saw this. Also, trying to write down evil laughter like you did: ’’Unless Kinia get's in my way...yes that’s what I’ll do…Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hah” - does not work. You can describe how her laugh was. Why should we be scared by the sound of her voice. Why should her laughter freak us out. Why was it enough to turn Goku into a wuss? I thought you were trying to scare us. So SCARE us. Don’t make us want to SMACK you.

3. The punctuation is also something to be amazed about. Actually, it’s non-existent. I’m not the best person to talk to about proper punctuation – but I know where the obvious ones go. This ficcer does not. She misspelled a some words like ‘“Saieo…oh so that was the little hors name…’’ or ‘’made Gojyo go quite.’’ Or ‘’ Hakkai dazed’’ instead of quiet or gazed. Then again, what would you expect from a person who ‘’draws and writes mangas when she’s board?

4. Her usage of words is plainly just intolerable. I don’t know why she has reviewers to begin with when every chapter becomes tedious and her writing style becomes irritating during the first few parts of the story, if that’s what you can even call this piece of crap. She tries to be clever with Sanzo by making him say the following lines: “Hmmmm…how paranormal”, “We’ve got ourselves a horror fanatic…” apparently, the author was trying to make her abomination version of Sanzo snarky as he usually would be. Well, it’s not working. The fact that she thinks that her work is suitable for teenagers only is flattering herself way too much. Any kindergarten student can read this and ignore it. Hell, I wouldn’t even GIVE a kindergarten student this. It’ll burn her eyes in an early age. Then again, it should be a preparatory for what kind of crap she’ll be given if she ever decides to read fanfics when she grows up.

5. Goku ends up taking off his Diadem. What the hell? Why? Because apparently, Saieo is powerful – even too powerful for Goku who can beat Kougaiji without as much as batting an eyelash. Did we mention that he also got to kill Homura? Why the HELL would he be having trouble dealing with this demon?

6. Once again, Sanzo is impressed with how powerful Kinia is. “Well…are you going to tell me what we’re up against? Aren’t you at least going to give an explanation on what happened to you and your sister?” Sanzo would not ask like this. Sanzo would NOT ask in the middle of a fight. He will BEAT the ghost/demon/god down first before aiming a gun, threatening to blow them back to oblivion before he asks for some answers. THAT is how Genjo Sanzo works, ladies and gentlemen.

7. I suppose Gojyo and Hakkai will be given focus later on as they seemed to have disappeared for now. Either way, I can tell you it’s not going to be good.

8. The fact that ‘dividers’ exist doesn’t seem to register in the author’s head. The formatting of the fanfic is just crappy. If you are going to shift scenes, make sure to add a divider. It will not only make sure your fic is less of an eyesore than it already is at least you won’t confuse your readers. I thought you had a beta reader, ficcer? What the FUCK is she doing? And why the HELL isn’t she telling you these things?

By the way, aren't one shots fics that have only have ONE CHAPTER? Why does she keep calling her fics oneshots when they're NOT?

( You want to surprise me, ficcer? Write a fic that’s ACTUALLY good. That ought to surprise me. )
( The only thing that’s terrifying about this fic is that it’s pure crap. )

Proof that Saiyuki fangirls are on crack:

( I guess they weren’t watching the same series I was, either. )

To start of my resolution to update more for the year 2006. I shall start you off with a new bad fic that doesn’t involve Mary Sues for the very first time! That’s right, first seen in saiyuki_badfics the one, the only – dreaded and most feared inanity that could possess a very bored authoress Gender Change fics! Really, you think they could be SATISFIED with keeping the characters as they are, including their gender? You know, Minekura-sensei probably created them as men because she – oh, I don’t know wanted them to be that way? Call me crazy, but that’s what I think.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Transvestite?

Name of The culprit Author: Sanzo’s Guardian Angel

How the abomination of nature fic goes: Oneshot yes you heard me right my first oneshot ever. A member of the ikkou got a change...who could it be? Warning not for young children...

Your fic makes me want to say:


The Garbage Dispenser: OOC-ness, plotholes everywhere. It doesn’t help that it’s awfully written in a very short and choppy kind of manner. It’s a pathetic attempt at humor – every chapter is just about inane as the plotline itself. I can’t believe that she actually think this piece of junk is anywhere near entertaining, too. It’s just wrong.

Reasons For Sporking:

1. There are no Mary Sues involved. Well, no blatant and obvious ones anyway. If you study this version of Cho Hakkai who turned into a woman with no valid reason, she is a whiny, clingy and loud woman – which is everything Cho Hakkai is not and would not be. Even if he turned into a woman. Throughout the four finished chapters, we’ve been exposed to Hakkai crying and screaming like an idiot.

2. Did I need to mention again that Hakkai just turned into a woman without decent explanation? Noted that I said this despite your reason that ‘here’s said to be a demented doctor that is on the run and is changing peoples sex’. Do you really think that’s enough reason for you to make Hakkai unrecognizable like you did, ficcer? If you think so – you should dropkick yourself hard. Knowing the real Cho Hakkai, he would be very confused and surprised about the situation, yes and distressed of course. But he would no go on crying and whining like “Why does all the weird stuff have to happen to me? I’m so young…I’m twenty two god dammit! I don’t know how to shave my legs yet…” , “THIS ISN’T FAIR WHY ME? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME? I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG HAVE I?’’ and the like. Like what YOU made him say. The least you can do is consider what the REAL Cho Hakkai would do. He has gone through all Gojyo and Goku’s bickering, Sanzo’s swearing and violence without any complaints whatsoever. Having those guys on his side? He’s ready for ANYTHING. He would try to go through the situation as calmly as possible, no matter how distressing it is.

3. Great. The authoress tries to make up for this piece of crap by putting in a kissing scene between Gojyo and Goku. Because someone at random comes up to Hakkai with flowers and asks for a date. Gojyo declares that they are an item and he kisses the female-Hakkai-clone. At this point, the authoress tells us she doesn’t want anyone influenced by the idea of yaoi. LOOK, idiot. If you wanted to write a fic about Gojyo and Hakkai at one point or another getting it on, you don’t really have to turn Hakkai into a woman. Hakkai is FINE as he is. Is this romance scene something you intended to make something happen because everything is becoming inane and fast? Or are you trying to sedate us with a 58 scene so we won’t notice how pathetic this fic is?

4. The ficcer, who is obviously hell-bent on ruining Hakkai’s character makes Hakkai hit Gojyo with Sanzo’s harisen. She also makes Hakkai swear like a sailor, which in the cannon series he never does no matter what happens. He does not say ’what the hell’ like his other companions do. Neither does he say ‘Holy shit’. He just doesn’t SAY those things, period. Plus, throughout the whole scene of Gojyo and Sanzo taking him to a doctor to cure him back to his old form – he was screaming and pleading for help – which he would again, NEVER DO. He would be surprised by their advances – but he would not start screeching like a brat.

5. Did I mention that there are authors notes EVERYWHERE in the middle of the fic. Look, for the last freaking time. If you, the author would LIKE to say SOMETHING. Say it at the END of the fic or after the words ‘TO BE CONTINUED’ or ‘THE END’. Interrupting the flow of your fiction with your side comments is just damned annoying. So cut it out.

6. It’s obvious that English is one of the main languages that she uses. But there are some misspelled words around. Ficcer, it’s called Beta-reader – not expensive. You might want to consult someone before you post up anything more. Because most of your fics? Yeah – they pretty much have the same problem as this one does.


( It’s the New Year’s. Why must we hurt a sporker’s soul? )

( Say, does this Hakkai clone come with an OFF button? Shut her up. NOW. )

Proof the Saiyuki readers are on crack
( WTF?! )

Happy New Year’s!

What could be WORSE than four Mary sues? Eight Mary Sues that’s what. You would think these suethors could get a clue that getting four girls to meet and make the Sanzo-ikkou fall in love with them is blatantly and annoyingly sueish enough. To shove in eight girls with the powers of your incoherence and stupidity? Getting the Kou-tachi and Homura--tachi involved? Stop suethor! Please STOP!

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Sanzoikkou and Company (mslfsdjfkhdfjksfkjsd –headdesks-)

Name of The culprit Author: AngelSakura14 (Go to her profile. She’s as incoherent as her writing)

How the abomination of nature fic goes: What happens when eight girls stumble into the Saiyuki world where half of them are seperated from each other? Comedy, Romance, and MEAT BUNS! X3 I'm not very good with summaries but well I did my best. Please read! (You’re not very good at writing, period)

Your fic makes me want to say:


The Garbage Dispenser: EIGHT goddamned mary sues. Plotholes the size of Tougenkyou and Tenjiku put together. OOCness, atrocious grammar and spelling. Choppy sentences, rushed detail, the whole foundation of the story is standing on crap. Because that’s exactly where it came from.

( Introduces the Sues: Tifany, May, Maya, Rana, Erika, Anam, April and Mari )

Reasons for Sporking:

1. Let’s start with the intro and just how horribly it’s written. There’s hardly any substance behind anything because the suethor was in too much of a hurry to shove her sues in Saiyuki world. A lot of things were left unexplained. For one thing – what freak accident happened exactly that made them mixed with DNA blood? Why and HOW the hell did it happen to them? Not that explaining it would make it a valid storyline. But maybe I’d give the suethor a few negative points for trying.

2. I hate them portals. They keep dragging in Mary Sues to Saiyuki world - with no explanation needed. Nevermind that it absolutely makes no sense that they’re there when it’s not necessary for them to be there because they’re EIGHT goddamned useless sues. Nevermind that how they GOT there makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, either. As long as they can make the cannon characters go out of character by making them fall madly in love with them – that’s all that matters to the rest of them.

3. Did I mention these girls were cannon sues? Meaning they didn’t have the ability to acquire their own personalities so they had to rip off the cannon characters who actually exist? In their desperate attempts, they end up rather non-existent or at times all the same. So, basically – characterization is shot to shit.

4. The girls are unconscious and end up being rescued by the Sanzo-ikkou who all get injured because of them. Now, we all know this is a pathetic excuse to start a love story. For one thing, it takes more than small fry youkai who probably were the ones who attempted to attack the girls in the first place, to injure them. The suethor who has her self-insert Maya, has made sure that sparks are already flying between her and Goku. It’s obvious that she’s desperate to be together with her freaking dream character. Throughout the whole chapter, the girls show how cannon sueish they are and nothing really happens.

5. Erika and Anam end up in Tenjiku and are rescued by Kougaiji and Doukugakuji. Kougaiji is totally unrecognizable as he is turned into a clueless-schoolboy who blushes at the presence of girls. Doukugakuji is flirting with Anam and he also saves her by knocking Ni Jian Yi unconscious. Okay, for ONE thing. It is NOT that EASY to knock Ni’s lights out. In fact, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE. He is possibly ONE of the most powerful people in the Saiyuki series. His appearance anyway is just an excuse for Doku to come and save his damsel in distress. A lot of scenes and chapters in this story are utterly pointless – if not the whole goddamned story in itself.

6. April and Mari end up in Houtou castle. Mari is a bitch to Homura and we’re supposed to be impressed. April wakes up and is greeted by (dan! Dan! Dan!) Nataku Taishi. Now, correct me if I’m wrong but - Nataku is SUPPOSED TO BE IN HEAVEN, SEALED UP AND ASLEEP. Not down with Homura and the others, and especially not with stupid sues like YOU! Apparently, Zenon and Shien did not come to the taste of the suethor. So, she had to screw up the storyline and bring Nataku down on Homura’s side even though that is NOT how it goes in the cannon series. Because she is that desperate to pair her stinking sue up with a hott bishie from Saiyuki. Go figure.

7. There is NO existing plot. The whole sues getting sucked in Saiyuki world is just a cover up for a PWP-romance to blossom between all the Saiyuki cannon characters and her stupid sues. Every chapter is insipid and choppy. A pathetic excuse to insert a love story. Nothing is happening. The suethor tries to spice things up by making Erika and Anam agree to help Kou and Doku to get the sutra. Question – how the hell can they help if they are utterly useless? So far all her eight sues have HAD to be rescued and aided by the cannons. You cannot travel to the west if you are THAT useless for you will CERTAINLY die. Not that I have a problem with sues DYING. I would LOVE it if they did. They’d make my job easier.

8. The spelling errors are just the cherry on top of the pie. Not to mention, the way the suethor plays with words is failing miserably. Her brain couldn't be any more soar, her arms and legs were soar for instance. Why does she have to keep using the shortcut word for HOMEWORK? Is it THAT hard to type the WHOLE word or are you just too dumb to SPELL it? Do I even have to ASK?


( We should really seal those stupid portals. )
( Sue holocaust. Anyone up for the idea? )

Proof that some Saiyuki fangirls are on crack

( I blame all of you for encouraging this crap. )

You know that havoc that was caused by Son Goku in heaven five hundred years ago when his kinko device broke and he gauged Li-Touten’s eye out, making Nataku Taishi confront him and everyone else, therefore making everything else go downhill from there? Well, this little ficcie that I found caused a far greater mess than that. You’d think that it had so many reviews because people thought it was so entertaining. Actually, it was because the smart ficcers decided to fight back. And since the authoress was such a little bitch, hence started the great review war.

I put this up here for you to be the judge of it as well. But I think based on just how truly shitty this piece of so-called fiction is, I think you’ll be with the smart ones on this one.

Title of The abomination of nature Fanfic: Chosen For Saiyuki (You can see it coming now, can’t you folks?)
Name of The culprit Author: jessicagreen

How the abomination of nature fic goes: What happens when the Saiyuki boys are transported to modern day New York by Kanzeon Botatsu? They are left in the care of the goddess'es 3 god daughters,who are witches that go by the name of The Chosen Ones, they also happen to be diehard Saiyuki fans</b> (Apparently, what happens is that we’re left with a load of bullshit).

Your fic makes me want to say:


The Garbage Dispenser: THREE goddamned modern day sues with either non-existent or annoying personalities. OOC-ness so horrible it would make grown men cry. Format problems, impossible and stupid setting, pointless dialogue, lack of detail and fangirl Japanese. Name everything horrendous about a fic, minus sue-rape – you’ll find it here.

(  Introduce the Sues: Melanie, Theresa and Natalie )

Reasons for Sporking:

1. Let’s start out with chapter one and the way the freaking sue spawns are immediately the first focus of the goddamned piece of crap. How many times do we have to mention that we do not care about your stupid sue spawns? Apparently, a bajillion times and you still won’t get it. We’re going to have to die trying to get it through your fucking skull. Melanie, Natalie and Teresa are shown talking about anime stuff since they’re die-hard fans of it. Ah, yes, just what we need. Sues who are aware that they’ve met anime characters. In other words, sues who are aware they are sues or will be sues and they’re perfectly fine with it. Suethor, do you really want me to think that your spawns of crap are die hard otaku’s with nothing better to do but fangirl all their days away? I’m all the way for obsessing and fangirling – but when Mary Sues do it in the fanfic proper, it’s got to be stopped.

2. ‘What a strange trio they looked like!’ the suethor noted, when in truth – there’s nothing really strange about them. Of course, this is the part where she goes on how to describe just how speshul her sue spawns really are.

3. There is fangirl Japanese everywhere! The suethor tries a pathetic attempt to play with words and detail and it miserably fails. As expected, of course. Apparently, the place where the girls were – was a sort of Eden Kanzeon Bosatsu created for them and only they could enter it. Great, the speshul sues also have a speshul place for them to flaunt around their speshul-speshulness!

4. All three were extraordinarily beautiful.</b> - need I SAY anything more? Besides the fact that she’s mentioned just how extraordinarily beautiful these girls are for about the hundredth time or at least it feels that way. I really don’t think I should further on explain why they’re sues, do you?

5. Now we find out the Melanie is so speshul that she’s got SUPER MARTIAL ARTS SKILLZ! She neatly avoided all of the bullets Sanzo fired towards her. Did I mention that she also tries to be as disgruntled and cranky as Sanzo as well making her a freakin’ cannon sue?

6. Then Kanzeon Botatsu appeared, her violet eyes smirking.. I know what you’re trying to say. But it’s not going well. Violet eyes do not SMIRK.

7. We are stuck throughout the whole story with inane arguing and bickering from Sanzo and Melanie. For one thing, if it weren’t for Melanie’s speshulness – she’d be dead a long time ago with Sanzo. Either that or totally ignored. I’m actually going with the latter. We also find out the Melanie has telekinesis and that she has the power to disarm Sanzo with her skillz of speshulness! Apparently, while Melanie is aiming the gun at his crotch, it’s here again that Sanzo notices how beautiful Melanie is. –headdesks-

8. “what in heaven’s name was that? What kind of behavior is that? Definitely not the kind I expect from someone I’ve brought up myself! This is absolutely outrageous! What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?” God, she’s even ruining Kanzeon’s character. What she would do is leave them alone for them to kill each other because she’d be sick and tired of Melanie and this fake Sanzo clone being total brats about everything.

9. Melanie does not only have the power to shock people with her beauty. She also has the power to shock people with ‘’the silent fury in her green eyes.’’

10. While Teresa and Natalie continue to be non-existent in the background, Melanie continues to prove just how much of a sue she is by letting us know that she has telekinesis as well. As she uses this skill to whack Sanzo with his own harisen and she gets away with it because everyone in this goddamned fic is out of character because she’s so goddamned powerful.

11. For no apparent reason, Melanie and Sanzo get into a car accident. Suddenly, it’s just there to make something happen and make the two of them fight and argue again.

12. Melanie got out of the jeep and walked towards the palatial mansion that loomed up. The guys all tried their hardest not to gape but failed. (A/N Okay, Just think of the mansion in Tomb Raider and you’ll get my drift. I don’t know how to describe it.) then why the HELL are you writing if you don’t know how to describe it?

13. Here we go, Melanie is going to be given a wangsty story so that Sanzo may sympathize with her and fall in love with her cause she’s so pained and speshul. Apparently, Melanie can also write spells and cast them that way. Next thing you know, we’ll find out that she can also control the elements!

14. Final straw, they make Sanzo act like a little baby since he got so scared to enter the room that said danger keep out. He starts screaming that he’s going to die and all that chicken shit stuff that he would never ever do. The final chapter is unfinished (thank whatever powers up there) and we’re about to find out who Nicolas is. Oh, joy…

You know what? I really can’t decide which part is the WORST, so I shall do this:

Get ready to hurt your eyes, bad

Go to the reviews page. This whole thing started a review war since jessicagreen is a big baby who can’t take and handle the truth about her story being a piece of crap. She creates new user names just to answer back to the constructive criticisms which she calls flames even though what they’re trying to do is actually help her. Luna Hoshino and Old Guy Pao from the Past totally makes sense and she’s getting her hoarde army of retards supporters who have no idea what they’re talking about to defend her. She also whores around her story, desperate from reviews. Reviews that she wants to hear of course, not the actual ones that make sense.

After reading this whole fanfic, I hope that she finds this livejournal of mine. She needs to grow up, the little bitch. You posted up this piece of shit up there, live with what it brings.

Moron…

Yes, I know - it's practically the second week of December.

I know that there might be some people reading this journal. But just to make sure we're on the same page, it's not dead. Though I, the maintainer of it is almost always braindead because of all the schoolwork we were given. Of course, pretty much that's the reason why I haven't updated so long.

I apologize deeply and I really do miss sporking fanfics that need to be sporked. -sighs-

But since it's Christmas vacation, I'll get to! I've found a few really, really, really bad ones that seriously need sporking attention. I'll get to them as soon as morning hits.

For now, this brain needs sleep. Can't spork a fic without a clear head. Heil the sporkage. Till tomorrow.
Perhaps I shall backdate entries.